Not exactly the opposite of a vampire

I look at myself in the mirror and I see
a woman who is slightly overweight.
The problem is, I saw her there
when I was thin, maybe too thin
subsisting on rice and frozen green beans.

When I was newly married and newly seen
I saw someone just a little too heavy.
When I was postpartum with my first baby
the mirror said you are still the wrong shape.

Every year, I flip back 
to old pictures of myself
and I think, That’s what I looked like?
I like the way I used to look.
But I didn’t think that at the time. 
I only saw fat.

Now, heavier than I've ever been
I flinch when I see the numbers 
flickering up, up, up
and not seeming to stop.
But still, I look in the mirror
and see someone just a little overweight.

Vampires see nothing when they look in the mirror.
I see something, but it’s someone frozen in time
someone who may have never existed
and certainly doesn’t exist now.
I can see the unreal me.
But I cannot see myself.